I'm going to have to remember this for the next time I do it! Just picture this one - should make you smile! :-)
Three Ladies in a Sauna
THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA. SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND
THE BEEP STOPPED. THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. 'THAT WAS MY PAGER,' SHE SAID. I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM.
A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, 'THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND.'
THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW -TECH. NOT TO BE OUT DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END.
THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.
THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID..........WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT....I'M GETTING A FAX!!
Almost TGIF!
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
Laughter Really IS the Best Medicine!
OH NO! I've lost another month! I missed 3 birthdays - sorry guys! Don't know where the time flew. PHEW!
The Fourth was quite nice! I drove up to Winimac in the morning to get my stepmom to go to Toto. Indiana's original bargain town. We went to Bailey's first. Found lots of name brand crackers and a good clearance on clothing. Then we went to Richards where I found some craft stuff! We had to carefully time our shopping as they are an hour behind us - even though they are about 15 miles away... At 12/11 we went into the restaurant at Richards. It is a hidden treasure!! They have many yummy things but the pollock fish is my favorite. It is sooooo good! And of course I had to have some homemade pie for dessert. Yum!
We drove back to Winimac and by then my brother, sister-in-law and two nephews had arrived. Remember the devil nephews? Yeah, those are the two. I've established my place as their crazy aunt so we all tend to get excited when we know we will be seeing each other. This time we got my brother, Jon, in it, too. Every time the four of us were alone, we would get on some subject that we twisted until we cracked up. One of my favorites was talking about the Horrifed B Movie play set that I saw in Louisville. (Google it some time, it's a hoot!) We all started posing. One person would yell out a monster - Mothra! Giant Spider! Godzilla! After each one, we would all scream and pose in our most terrified B movie pose. I think you had to be there to see that one but just imagine it!
After about an hour of laughing almost constantly I proclaimed that we should all be REALLY healthy now! What a day! And what healthy fun!
Wish those guys lived closer but I guess if we saw each other more than once every few months, we'd run out of material. I hope you all are stocking up for next time!
Hope you all had a good 4th, too. Back to work tomorrow!
The Fourth was quite nice! I drove up to Winimac in the morning to get my stepmom to go to Toto. Indiana's original bargain town. We went to Bailey's first. Found lots of name brand crackers and a good clearance on clothing. Then we went to Richards where I found some craft stuff! We had to carefully time our shopping as they are an hour behind us - even though they are about 15 miles away... At 12/11 we went into the restaurant at Richards. It is a hidden treasure!! They have many yummy things but the pollock fish is my favorite. It is sooooo good! And of course I had to have some homemade pie for dessert. Yum!
We drove back to Winimac and by then my brother, sister-in-law and two nephews had arrived. Remember the devil nephews? Yeah, those are the two. I've established my place as their crazy aunt so we all tend to get excited when we know we will be seeing each other. This time we got my brother, Jon, in it, too. Every time the four of us were alone, we would get on some subject that we twisted until we cracked up. One of my favorites was talking about the Horrifed B Movie play set that I saw in Louisville. (Google it some time, it's a hoot!) We all started posing. One person would yell out a monster - Mothra! Giant Spider! Godzilla! After each one, we would all scream and pose in our most terrified B movie pose. I think you had to be there to see that one but just imagine it!
After about an hour of laughing almost constantly I proclaimed that we should all be REALLY healthy now! What a day! And what healthy fun!
Wish those guys lived closer but I guess if we saw each other more than once every few months, we'd run out of material. I hope you all are stocking up for next time!
Hope you all had a good 4th, too. Back to work tomorrow!
Monday, June 15, 2009
A Goodwill Tip and Flying Ice Cream!
I took the afternoon off today so I could go to a board meeting. I am the new editor of the Coalition for Living Well After 50's newsletter. This was my chance to meet some board members and hear some old and new news. Very interesting!
The meeting was about a half mile from one of the Goodwill stores so I headed over when it ended. I found lots of craft magazines and booklets! I probably should have heeded the signs - like when a pile of them fell off the top shelf and bounced off my cart. And another pile slipped off a lower shelf and spilled by my feet. You would think that would discourage me. But NOOOO! Not when there is a craft treasure to be found!!! I did end up with quite a few booklets but there are plenty left. REALLY! If you are a craft person, there is one tip for you. Goodwill - east side in Lafayette. BIG TIP! Saturday the 20th is 50% off at most of the Indiana Goodwills. And... I WON'T BE THERE! So you know that means there will be that many more treasures for you!!!
I decided after I left Goodwill that I badly needed a Pepsi. Culver's is right around the corner. Hmmm.... Pepsi AND a sundae! That could be my dinner. They have a blueberry sundae so being the fruit and vegetable conscious person that I am (HA!) I decided that sounded good. The cashier asked if I wanted a lid and I said yes. Thank God for that!!! I had my Pepsi in my cup holder so I set the sundae down on the passenger seat. It was flat, seemed steady and had my purse behind it. You would think that would have gotten it home. What I forgot was the law of centrifugal force. If you speed around a corner, things go flying. All was well until I decided I could beat a car and turn left. I whipped around that corner and OOPS! the sundae went flying! It wedged itself top up between the seat and the door. I just kept watching it picturing blueberries and ice crewam dripping all over my truck. I finally couldn't take it any more and when I stopped at a light, I unbuckled my seat belt, reached over and got it. I then propped it inside my purse where it happily sat until I got home.
I do have to say that was some YUMMY ice cream!! Their fruit always tastes fresh and the custard was smooth and tasty. It was worth it!
Hope your Monday went well for you!
The meeting was about a half mile from one of the Goodwill stores so I headed over when it ended. I found lots of craft magazines and booklets! I probably should have heeded the signs - like when a pile of them fell off the top shelf and bounced off my cart. And another pile slipped off a lower shelf and spilled by my feet. You would think that would discourage me. But NOOOO! Not when there is a craft treasure to be found!!! I did end up with quite a few booklets but there are plenty left. REALLY! If you are a craft person, there is one tip for you. Goodwill - east side in Lafayette. BIG TIP! Saturday the 20th is 50% off at most of the Indiana Goodwills. And... I WON'T BE THERE! So you know that means there will be that many more treasures for you!!!
I decided after I left Goodwill that I badly needed a Pepsi. Culver's is right around the corner. Hmmm.... Pepsi AND a sundae! That could be my dinner. They have a blueberry sundae so being the fruit and vegetable conscious person that I am (HA!) I decided that sounded good. The cashier asked if I wanted a lid and I said yes. Thank God for that!!! I had my Pepsi in my cup holder so I set the sundae down on the passenger seat. It was flat, seemed steady and had my purse behind it. You would think that would have gotten it home. What I forgot was the law of centrifugal force. If you speed around a corner, things go flying. All was well until I decided I could beat a car and turn left. I whipped around that corner and OOPS! the sundae went flying! It wedged itself top up between the seat and the door. I just kept watching it picturing blueberries and ice crewam dripping all over my truck. I finally couldn't take it any more and when I stopped at a light, I unbuckled my seat belt, reached over and got it. I then propped it inside my purse where it happily sat until I got home.
I do have to say that was some YUMMY ice cream!! Their fruit always tastes fresh and the custard was smooth and tasty. It was worth it!
Hope your Monday went well for you!
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
The Orange Shoes go to the gym
Those orange New Balance shoes have become quite a conversation piece! The first time I wore them to the gym (Miracles Fitness) I had to show them off to Dan the owner. I said "Aren't they cool?" and he said yes. Then he noticed that they matched my shirt AND my purse. (I swear I didn't do it on purpose!) A couple of days later I was asking what my group should wear for their training session. He said gym shoes are a must - no work shoes. If I was nice, I could tell them where to get shoes or I could keep it to myself and be the only orange superstar. He then said "Try not to intimidate. Matching shoes, shirt and bag are not required." WELL!
The next time I worked out I wore a green shirt and my new shoes. I was on the rocker board and Dan was staring at my feet. I thought he was looking at my lack of balance - which is why I use it! But noooooo, he said "Your shoes and your shirt don't match." Okay, now we're on. So the NEXT time I wore the shoes, orange shirt and an orange hairband. I pointed out that I was now matching. His comment? "Fashion lives." So the next week I added an orange watch (thanks to good buddy Ann who loaned it to me). That got a grin and shake of the head. We have two more weeks left in the Biggest Loser program (the day I have been wearing my orange). What to do next??? My friends - who already know I'm insane - have suggested orange hair dye, nail polish, earrings... This is quite fun!
Little did I know what these shoes would cause when I got them!
Do you have any "orange shoes"? Something that causes a reaction? I hope so!
The next time I worked out I wore a green shirt and my new shoes. I was on the rocker board and Dan was staring at my feet. I thought he was looking at my lack of balance - which is why I use it! But noooooo, he said "Your shoes and your shirt don't match." Okay, now we're on. So the NEXT time I wore the shoes, orange shirt and an orange hairband. I pointed out that I was now matching. His comment? "Fashion lives." So the next week I added an orange watch (thanks to good buddy Ann who loaned it to me). That got a grin and shake of the head. We have two more weeks left in the Biggest Loser program (the day I have been wearing my orange). What to do next??? My friends - who already know I'm insane - have suggested orange hair dye, nail polish, earrings... This is quite fun!
Little did I know what these shoes would cause when I got them!
Do you have any "orange shoes"? Something that causes a reaction? I hope so!
Thursday, June 4, 2009
An old funny but a goodie!
AAADD
KNOW THE SYMPTOMS......
Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder. Somehow I feel better,even though I have it!!
Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how it manifests:
I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing. As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.
So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.
But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first...
I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where
I find the can of Coke I'd been drinking. I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.
The Coke is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.
As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need water. I put the Coke on the counter and discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.
I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs,
but first I'll water the flowers.
I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill. Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day:
the car isn't washed
the bills aren't paid
there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter
there is still only 1 check in my check book,
I can't find the remote,
I can't find my glasses,
and, I don't remember what I did with the car keys.
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day, and I'm really tired.
I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it,
but first I'll check my e-mail......
If you're like me, this happens a little too often! =:0
Take care!
KNOW THE SYMPTOMS......
Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder. Somehow I feel better,even though I have it!!
Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how it manifests:
I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing. As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.
So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.
But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first...
I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where
I find the can of Coke I'd been drinking. I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.
The Coke is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.
As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need water. I put the Coke on the counter and discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.
I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs,
but first I'll water the flowers.
I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill. Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day:
the car isn't washed
the bills aren't paid
there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter
there is still only 1 check in my check book,
I can't find the remote,
I can't find my glasses,
and, I don't remember what I did with the car keys.
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day, and I'm really tired.
I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it,
but first I'll check my e-mail......
If you're like me, this happens a little too often! =:0
Take care!
Monday, June 1, 2009
Monday Funny - Jellyfish Bad Day
I love when friends share jokes! Here is one for Monday...
Next time you have a bad day at work think of this guy..
Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He
performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail
he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 FM in Ft.
Wayne , Indiana , who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest.
Needless to say, she won.
Hi Sue,
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.
Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down
lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you
realize it's not so bad after all
Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a
few technicalities of my job.
As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the
office. It's a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool.
So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial
water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the
sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature..
It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped
to the air hose.
Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with
no complaints.
What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose
and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with
warm water.. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch.
So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. With in a few
seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back,
but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened.
The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my
suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't
stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate.
When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the
jellyfish into the crack of my butt.
I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His
instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other
divers, were all laughing hysterically.
Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three
agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before
I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.
When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.
As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running
down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt
as soon as I got in the chamber.
The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my
butt was swollen shut.
So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse
it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt..
Now repeat to yourself, 'I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.'
Now whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?
May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day!!!!!
Next time you have a bad day at work think of this guy..
Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He
performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail
he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 FM in Ft.
Wayne , Indiana , who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest.
Needless to say, she won.
Hi Sue,
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.
Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down
lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you
realize it's not so bad after all
Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a
few technicalities of my job.
As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the
office. It's a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool.
So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial
water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the
sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature..
It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped
to the air hose.
Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with
no complaints.
What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose
and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with
warm water.. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch.
So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. With in a few
seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back,
but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened.
The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my
suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't
stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate.
When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the
jellyfish into the crack of my butt.
I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His
instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other
divers, were all laughing hysterically.
Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three
agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before
I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.
When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.
As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running
down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt
as soon as I got in the chamber.
The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my
butt was swollen shut.
So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse
it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt..
Now repeat to yourself, 'I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.'
Now whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?
May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day!!!!!
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Imaginary friends
Did you have a pen pal when you were growing up? Or maybe you still have one. You got to know this person pretty well but never met? I have two and I call them my "imaginary friends" because I have never seen them. But they are both dear to my heart.
I met Marcia through ebay. She was one of my first customers and we just started emailing little messages to each other about the weather, then what we did at work, dates or lack of, new adventures - and of course, always the weather! I have a picture from her wedding and know her grandkid's names. Her cat and mine are about the same age and same crazy. She is my New York sis - we're so much alike we decided we must have been separated at birth! (Here's a hint - make sure your father is in a good mood when you suggest that possibility to him...)
I met Fran through my knee replacement support group. Fran had her knees replaced about a year after I did. We talked through her recovery and have kept on talking. We talk about work, trips, losing weight, many things. She has become very dear to me!
My son likes to kid me about my "imaginary friends" because I do talk about them and Cindy is always wondering who these people are. It's hard to describe how this happens - all I know is that I am so blessed that it did!
The distance is far but the ties are strong. Life wouldn't be the same if these two weren't part of it!
I met Marcia through ebay. She was one of my first customers and we just started emailing little messages to each other about the weather, then what we did at work, dates or lack of, new adventures - and of course, always the weather! I have a picture from her wedding and know her grandkid's names. Her cat and mine are about the same age and same crazy. She is my New York sis - we're so much alike we decided we must have been separated at birth! (Here's a hint - make sure your father is in a good mood when you suggest that possibility to him...)
I met Fran through my knee replacement support group. Fran had her knees replaced about a year after I did. We talked through her recovery and have kept on talking. We talk about work, trips, losing weight, many things. She has become very dear to me!
My son likes to kid me about my "imaginary friends" because I do talk about them and Cindy is always wondering who these people are. It's hard to describe how this happens - all I know is that I am so blessed that it did!
The distance is far but the ties are strong. Life wouldn't be the same if these two weren't part of it!
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